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Spent…

May 17, 2007

I know it’s been some time since I’ve really written anything of substance.  Do accept my apologies.  My mind, body and soul have needed a vacation for a long time.  And rather give in to their demands; I continue to work them overtime.  Day after day, abusing them…without any proper appreciation or reward.  Such is life, I guess.  And such is life in this city.   

The intention is always there.  (But you know what they say about intentions…)  However, after almost 3 long years of neglect, I feel that there’s just not much energy left to muster up.  All of my convincing and negotiation skills have been tapped out.  The only overwhelming feeling that still remains is guilt.  Which I have to say, can make you do a lot of things you otherwise would rather not do.  But there again, I’ve almost won the battle with this evil, nagging voice (well, trying anyhow).  

Everything has suffered in my effort to not surrender and simply get away from all of this for a while.  But none more than my SPIRIT.  It has taken the brunt of all of this will, determination, abuse and stubbornness.  And quite frankly, the part that hurts the most.        

All I can wonder these days is, “how in the hell did I end up here?”  Where work (or the thought of) is the most consuming part of my life.  Even when I was not physically working a lot, it was all I thought about.  Now, I’m beginning to understand the tag phrase used to describe this city – The City that Never Sleeps.  I always thought it referred only to those that stayed up and partied all night (which is a large percentage of people).  Yet, I definitely did not fall into that category (OK..maybe for a short period of time, which is all most people can handle).  However, I realize that the reason most people don’t sleep in this city is not because we’re up partying and having fun but because we are always working.  Working around the clock…just to get by, for the most part.  And if we’re not working, we’re worrying and/or thinking about work – a very viscous cycle. 

Somewhere along the way, my spirit and wanderlust has gotten lost in the deep, dark underground tunnels of this city.  (If I had to guess…probably somewhere between Greenpoint and Queens, where I spend most of my waking hours either on or waiting for the godforsaken G train.)  Anxiously waiting for me to come rescue them.  Yet, each day passes and I am nowhere near finding them.  I continue to hope for a happy reunion someday soon.  

But before this begins to sound like a long complaint, I will stop there.  

So, in short, I’m exhausted.  Mentally, physically, emotionally spent. 

Which leads me to update you on a couple of happenings in my life.

First, my running endeavor.  Yes, I’m still pluggin’ along.  Although I wish at a little faster pace, but again, see above.  Some days it’s more of an effort to motivate myself to go fight the sidewalks and stoplights of this city than the actual act of running.  And with the beautiful Spring weather out in full-force, so is every New Yorker.  However, this won’t last long.  As Memorial Day approaches, so does the start of summer in the city – which means a quieter, slower, less populated city – as everyone begins their move out to the Hamptons.  

Weeks # 14, 15, 16

And while we’re on the topic of the Hamptons, this brings me to my next update.  I have a new summer gig out in the Hamptons (Bridgehampton to be exact)…which I’m really looking forward to.  This opportunity, honestly, came straight out of the blue and from the least likely places.  And really happened very quickly and before I actually had much time to process the whole proposition.  

Short story…I have begun baking (pretty regularly) for my fellow private trainers at the Sports Club/LA.  They are more than elated about this whole gesture.  [But who ever complains about FREE FOOD (homemade, at that).]  Then, one of the trainers requested that I make something basically free of everything – sugar, dairy, wheat, gluten, yeast, yada, yada, yada.  My head began spinning.  Because what exactly is left when you take out all of that?  So, I obliged her and told her I would start doing a little research.  Nothing like a little challenge and some newly gained knowledge. 

Well, this went on for a few weeks.  We kept talking and discussing what she had in mind, the things that she actually will eat.  I kept reading and researching, but not yet experimenting.  But she was persistent, in a good way.  She had taken a sincere interest in me and my abilities as a baker. 

Then one day, out-of-the-blue, she introduced me to one of her clients.  Whom, it turns out, is a personal chef for an extremely wealthy family.  Not knowing what that actually meant, besides having an opportunity to network and make a possible connection, to my surprise the woman was currently looking for a sous chef to assist her this summer while in the Hamptons.  Seeing as I would have otherwise not considered myself a sous chef or qualified for this position, she invited me to spend a few hours with her in the kitchen to see if it might work.  A chocolate torte, pizza dough, and some chopped garlic and bok choy later…

Voila!!  I’m headed to the Hamptons…tomorrow.

Updates to come.   

Now, I’m spent.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. May 22, 2007 11:18 pm

    What a coincidence! I just thought about the saying “The city that never sleeps” last night and came to the same conclusion. Maybe the rest of the saying is, “…but really wants to.”

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