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The Heat is On

June 5, 2007
tags: ,

on the street

Into Week # 19 That’s the best way to sum up my thoughts as I’m running through the streets of Manhattan these days.  For the past couple of weeks, the temperatures and humidity just continue to rise and radiate off of the asphalt, sidewalks, and buildings – leaving little place to hide or seek relief.  And the worst is still yet to come.  Summers, like winters, here are harsh.  And that’s coming from a girl raised in the deep South. 

But just as the seasons have changed since starting this journey over 4 months ago…so have I.  I’m a walking calender (as Victor puts it)…always acutely aware of time and how fast it passes.  It’s both a quality and a flaw.  I like to reflect back and evaluate what I have (or have not) accomplished, as well as, look forward and make note of what I still need to do.  Yet, somehow, I just end up panic stricken and anxiety-ridden.  Because mostly, I just feel like I haven’t done enough and am running out of time. 

This is exactly the case as I chart my progress since February 1.  I know in my heart that I have covered alot of ground, yet, it just doesn’t seem to be enough.  And I mean that both literally and figuratively.  This endeavor has not only been about running, but about re-discovering myself.  My legs and heart have become strong again and so has my outlook on life.  Perspectives have shifted, altered and done 180’s, in some cases…leading to a euphoric feeling of empowerment.  (Something I was in desperate need of when I began.)  However, my view of the road ahead is still blurry.  Leaving me to feel like I am, again, falling short.  Short of what?  Of some silly goal I made up for myself?  Or is it a reflection of the bigger picture of my life?  Maybe a little of both.  But just as the rain brought much needed relief from the heat yesterday, and I managed to run the longest yet, I know that there will soon be a light or sign on this blurry path leading me in the direction of my dreams.   
[The picture above is to date – middle of Week #19.  Check out the Running Endeavor page to see each week’s progress.]

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